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8 Signs You’re Not Ready For A Relationship
by Quentin McCall
by Quentin McCall
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event
under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
One of the most asked questions I get is “When do I know I am ready for
relationship?” There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will
give my perspective based on what I have been through and past
suggestions that have been successful. I want to stress we all have a
love tank that needs to be filled, but we don’t have to fill that tank
through the opposite sex in the confines of an romantic relationship.
The need for companionship often leads to developing unhealthy habits that
only delay having a healthy relationship partner. When you can be happy
alone, then you are ready for a relationship or marriage. Here are my 8 signs
you are not ready for love:
1. You struggle with insecurities. Insecurities only make our relationships
worse and not better. You will always have those situations where arguments
and problems blow up because of insecurities. In some cases of insecurities
you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it
makes you feel better about yourself.
2. You have not healed from past pains or bitterness. When we refuse
to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us.
When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you.
Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter.
3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the
failure of your past relationships. We always hear people say “it was not
my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are
all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look
ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what is wrong with me. And
how can I improve to make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of
deep introspection, but we often see the victim mentality. Good or bad your
past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those
experiences to inspire growth.
4. You don’t love yourself. Often people don’t understand what this truly
means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that
is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you
understand your self-worth and you do things daily to improve who
you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself,
you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those
connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-
worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and
down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about
us. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they
say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.
5. You’re selfish and have a critical spirit. Selfish people can’t love
unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. If you are
selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are
gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A
critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other
people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.
6. You are fresh out of a relationship. This is a huge one! I see this far
too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new
relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who was not
ready for a relationship, because she was not healed from her last
one. Even before we got serious, I knew it was a bad idea and God
even warned me, but I moved out of my human emotion. When we
make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken.
Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but will delay your healing. Give
yourself time to heal. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need
to take to heal.
7. You can’t be happy alone. The ability to be happy alone is a
prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage.
8. You’re still dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people
if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss
this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision
about your ex before creating something new.
Quentin McCall is a Life/Relationship Coach, Speaker, Entrepreneur,and
Author. Most importantly, a Servant of God. Follow him on Twitter
@QuentinMcCall. Visit his blog at www.quentinmccall.com
under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
One of the most asked questions I get is “When do I know I am ready for
relationship?” There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will
give my perspective based on what I have been through and past
suggestions that have been successful. I want to stress we all have a
love tank that needs to be filled, but we don’t have to fill that tank
through the opposite sex in the confines of an romantic relationship.
The need for companionship often leads to developing unhealthy habits that
only delay having a healthy relationship partner. When you can be happy
alone, then you are ready for a relationship or marriage. Here are my 8 signs
you are not ready for love:
1. You struggle with insecurities. Insecurities only make our relationships
worse and not better. You will always have those situations where arguments
and problems blow up because of insecurities. In some cases of insecurities
you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it
makes you feel better about yourself.
2. You have not healed from past pains or bitterness. When we refuse
to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us.
When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you.
Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter.
3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the
failure of your past relationships. We always hear people say “it was not
my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are
all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look
ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what is wrong with me. And
how can I improve to make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of
deep introspection, but we often see the victim mentality. Good or bad your
past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those
experiences to inspire growth.
4. You don’t love yourself. Often people don’t understand what this truly
means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that
is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you
understand your self-worth and you do things daily to improve who
you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself,
you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those
connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-
worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and
down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about
us. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they
say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.
5. You’re selfish and have a critical spirit. Selfish people can’t love
unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. If you are
selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are
gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A
critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other
people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.
6. You are fresh out of a relationship. This is a huge one! I see this far
too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new
relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who was not
ready for a relationship, because she was not healed from her last
one. Even before we got serious, I knew it was a bad idea and God
even warned me, but I moved out of my human emotion. When we
make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken.
Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but will delay your healing. Give
yourself time to heal. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need
to take to heal.
7. You can’t be happy alone. The ability to be happy alone is a
prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage.
8. You’re still dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people
if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss
this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision
about your ex before creating something new.
Quentin McCall is a Life/Relationship Coach, Speaker, Entrepreneur,and
Author. Most importantly, a Servant of God. Follow him on Twitter
@QuentinMcCall. Visit his blog at www.quentinmccall.com
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Spark Chastain Park Ampitheatre
2011 Dove Awards
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Chivalry Isn't Dead! Ask Mr. Enitan Bereola...
Ambassador Drops New CD on Xist Music
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Model Search
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Fashion Show
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Boris Kodjoe, Nicole Ari Parker, Niecy Nash
Host 2011 Trumpet Awards
Atlanta's 'Leading Ladies'
How Does One Handle Rejection From One's
Family?
NY Giants Sinorice Moss launched His 'Dare to
Dream' Foundation
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Album - 'Walk Alone'
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