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JUBILEE
on-line magazine
Truth.Culture.Style
Dating Rules
By I. Edwards
By I. Edwards
According to a 2005 survey of Christians 21 to 61 years of age, dating rules have changed. Skewed
Flavor of Love, dating has long since left its courtship beginnings. While some Christians do not
mind the change in rules, others feel that dating rules should be clearly defined. The reality is that
clear rules of engagement make it is easy to avoid being misled, hurt or disappointed.
In Bible times relationship rules were more concise. Couples like Adam and Eve, Isaac and
Rebekah, and Boaz and Ruth simply met, agreed, and married. Today, dating does not necessarily
translate to a preparation period between friendship and marriage as much as it means, “hanging
out with someone [you] like (or whose company you enjoy) but may not necessarily marry.” The
downside to extended periods of dating; baseless or even unclear dating expectations is becoming
emotionally, physically, and even financially attached to someone who does not want to commit to
marriage. Often, this happens to one or more person’s detriment.
Even though dating rules have changed, the adage (coined by Napoleon Hill), “Do unto others…”
*still applies. Starting a relationship with the sole purpose to gain is selfish and counterproductive.
A Christian’s motive should be to enter a relationship as an asset—not a liability. Christians are
also required to treat a believer as a brother/sister in Christ as well as maintain a high level of
respect for one another.
In fact, friendship and brotherly love is encouraged as are group outings until each party is ready to
commit to an exclusive relationship, which leads to marriage.
Agreeing, Dating, Relating
Despite differences in perspective, much can be learned from Biblical couples to avoid the pitfalls
of dating. One thing to consider is to decide—like Jacob did—what you want before pursuing a
dating relationship. Knowing what you want will save a lot of time, effort, money, dashed hopes,
delayed dreams, and spent feelings on the wrong person. Generally, people know what they like.
The challenge is narrowing their election to one person who, for example, meets the best out of ten
preferences.
Another thing to consider is preparation. Ruth took time to research her options to include soliciting
advice from a Godly counselor. Having fun while getting to know a prospective mate is a feasible
way to discover preferences, weaknesses, strengths, and goals, etc. So is working with a
prospective mate on volunteer projects. Relationship and pre-engagement classes are resourceful
because they help determine potential in self and others. Such classes can also provide tools for
making personal improvements.
Before pursing a dating relationship, make sure that there is agreement so that intent is not
misunderstood. Some would argue that neither Adam nor Eve had options. Even though God
brought the two together, Adam and Eve did agree with the union—just like they agreed to eat from
the forbidden tree.
Many relationships begin with one person (usually the female) expecting commitment while the
other person, is only looking to have a good time. When expectation is not met, disappointment
sets in and problems occur. It is only fair to state your purpose at the beginning of a relationship.
This will only strengthen the agreement.
Dating 2.0
While the media enables content providers to shape society’s perception of relationship and
dating, the standard for a Christian should remain Bible-based. Christians are encouraged to have
fun and cultivate friendships so that an intimate relationship can evolve from a healthy lengthy
friendship. Defining dating rules prior to starting a relationship will lessen the risks that are
commonly associated with dating. Most importantly, defining dating rules will help ensure that the
dating experience is reserved for someone who will not violate the rules of friendship, which is the
foundation for a meaningful and lasting marriage.
Genesis Chapter 2
Genesis Chapter 24
Ruth Chapters 3 & 4
Romans 12
I John Chapter 4
* Although many scriptures relate to The Golden Rule, in context, the saying is not in the Bible.
Flavor of Love, dating has long since left its courtship beginnings. While some Christians do not
mind the change in rules, others feel that dating rules should be clearly defined. The reality is that
clear rules of engagement make it is easy to avoid being misled, hurt or disappointed.
In Bible times relationship rules were more concise. Couples like Adam and Eve, Isaac and
Rebekah, and Boaz and Ruth simply met, agreed, and married. Today, dating does not necessarily
translate to a preparation period between friendship and marriage as much as it means, “hanging
out with someone [you] like (or whose company you enjoy) but may not necessarily marry.” The
downside to extended periods of dating; baseless or even unclear dating expectations is becoming
emotionally, physically, and even financially attached to someone who does not want to commit to
marriage. Often, this happens to one or more person’s detriment.
Even though dating rules have changed, the adage (coined by Napoleon Hill), “Do unto others…”
*still applies. Starting a relationship with the sole purpose to gain is selfish and counterproductive.
A Christian’s motive should be to enter a relationship as an asset—not a liability. Christians are
also required to treat a believer as a brother/sister in Christ as well as maintain a high level of
respect for one another.
In fact, friendship and brotherly love is encouraged as are group outings until each party is ready to
commit to an exclusive relationship, which leads to marriage.
Agreeing, Dating, Relating
Despite differences in perspective, much can be learned from Biblical couples to avoid the pitfalls
of dating. One thing to consider is to decide—like Jacob did—what you want before pursuing a
dating relationship. Knowing what you want will save a lot of time, effort, money, dashed hopes,
delayed dreams, and spent feelings on the wrong person. Generally, people know what they like.
The challenge is narrowing their election to one person who, for example, meets the best out of ten
preferences.
Another thing to consider is preparation. Ruth took time to research her options to include soliciting
advice from a Godly counselor. Having fun while getting to know a prospective mate is a feasible
way to discover preferences, weaknesses, strengths, and goals, etc. So is working with a
prospective mate on volunteer projects. Relationship and pre-engagement classes are resourceful
because they help determine potential in self and others. Such classes can also provide tools for
making personal improvements.
Before pursing a dating relationship, make sure that there is agreement so that intent is not
misunderstood. Some would argue that neither Adam nor Eve had options. Even though God
brought the two together, Adam and Eve did agree with the union—just like they agreed to eat from
the forbidden tree.
Many relationships begin with one person (usually the female) expecting commitment while the
other person, is only looking to have a good time. When expectation is not met, disappointment
sets in and problems occur. It is only fair to state your purpose at the beginning of a relationship.
This will only strengthen the agreement.
Dating 2.0
While the media enables content providers to shape society’s perception of relationship and
dating, the standard for a Christian should remain Bible-based. Christians are encouraged to have
fun and cultivate friendships so that an intimate relationship can evolve from a healthy lengthy
friendship. Defining dating rules prior to starting a relationship will lessen the risks that are
commonly associated with dating. Most importantly, defining dating rules will help ensure that the
dating experience is reserved for someone who will not violate the rules of friendship, which is the
foundation for a meaningful and lasting marriage.
Genesis Chapter 2
Genesis Chapter 24
Ruth Chapters 3 & 4
Romans 12
I John Chapter 4
* Although many scriptures relate to The Golden Rule, in context, the saying is not in the Bible.