We are going to touch on a real topic that is commonly over
looked although reputed as one of the church's darkest
secrets - ABUSE.
The issue of Domestic Abuse is critical and believers must
face the harsh reality that it exists behind many “Christian
Marriages.” Theoretically, victims feel comfortable denying the
abuse but the abuse does happen in Christian homes,
statistically, at the same rate as non-Christian homes.
Fact Check: A woman is beaten every 11 seconds, while
4000 women are beaten to death every year, and note that
these statistics do not alleviate the Christian household.
These facts are presented to expose the silent cries and
hidden hurt of our God-Fearing women everywhere. Women
who are experiencing abuse must realize they are not alone
and reach out for support. In addition, the church can be
better informed and equipped to respond to domestic
violence as opposed to the ongoing deadly game of hide and
seek. This deadly game has many battered women hiding
the hurt and bruises and is only revealed by close relations
when a change or inconsistency occurs in their daily behavior
patterns.
looked although reputed as one of the church's darkest
secrets - ABUSE.
The issue of Domestic Abuse is critical and believers must
face the harsh reality that it exists behind many “Christian
Marriages.” Theoretically, victims feel comfortable denying the
abuse but the abuse does happen in Christian homes,
statistically, at the same rate as non-Christian homes.
Fact Check: A woman is beaten every 11 seconds, while
4000 women are beaten to death every year, and note that
these statistics do not alleviate the Christian household.
These facts are presented to expose the silent cries and
hidden hurt of our God-Fearing women everywhere. Women
who are experiencing abuse must realize they are not alone
and reach out for support. In addition, the church can be
better informed and equipped to respond to domestic
violence as opposed to the ongoing deadly game of hide and
seek. This deadly game has many battered women hiding
the hurt and bruises and is only revealed by close relations
when a change or inconsistency occurs in their daily behavior
patterns.
Innocent bystanders, ignorantly, view abusive relationships
as a gentle “pops” or occasional hits, but abuse is what it is.
This issue of abuse in faith based homes must be taken
seriously for those women, our God-fearing women, who
are beaten to death every year. This issue of abuse in faith
based homes must be taken seriously for those women, our
God-fearing women, who are beaten to death every year.
Abuse is critical to examine in the life of a believer
especially, when it is based upon misinterpreted scriptural
texts and clauses. Many victims find themselves in bondage
to these misinterpretations and these same faith-filled
women endure physical and emotional abuse day after day.
So, we open up this closet to understand their premise
while bringing awareness to this issue.
Biblically, man and woman are created equally yet they have
different roles. The role of the wife (as with the husband) is
to submit. Submission is a word that has many definitions
but for mass appeal and interpretation we will use the
dictionary’s reference which is: to yield or surrender
(oneself) to the will or authority of another. Many women stay
and permit this injustice because they identify love and
submission with “putting up with” or enduring long. Many
have read that Love conquers all so they remain in abusive
situations hoping that Love will conquer that temper of his,
and if this is you, I tell you that “LOVE DON’T HIT, Love
LOVES!” The Word is true and love does conquer, however
he has to be willing and take the initiative in getting help (this
modus operandi is not valid if his efforts have been made in
recourse of an abusive episode, while everything is
seemingly good he must seek qualified anointed help.)
Often times, heart-wrenching emails from women praying
they are able to be strong and make it through the next
beating come across the desk of counselors as myself and I
know that when you understand Jesus’ teaching you won’t
accept Satan’s beating. Therefore, I have written a booklet
containing more in depth revelation concerning the topic. To
place an anonymous order for the booklet, The Churches
Darkest Secret written and published by Rachael Grier,
contact us at salvation@jubileemag.com .You will find
additional information and topics like, A Way of Escape,
What the Bible says about abuse, How to Counsel the
abused/abuser, Warning Signs, and more.
Scripturally any act committed in opposition of God’s Word
has grounds for Covenant Default. So in closing, I remind
you that Jesus Christ was bruised for your iniquities as his
sole purpose was fulfilled in the setting at liberty them that
are bruised. Isaiah 53:5, Luke 4:18. You too have been
declared free and free indeed!
as a gentle “pops” or occasional hits, but abuse is what it is.
This issue of abuse in faith based homes must be taken
seriously for those women, our God-fearing women, who
are beaten to death every year. This issue of abuse in faith
based homes must be taken seriously for those women, our
God-fearing women, who are beaten to death every year.
Abuse is critical to examine in the life of a believer
especially, when it is based upon misinterpreted scriptural
texts and clauses. Many victims find themselves in bondage
to these misinterpretations and these same faith-filled
women endure physical and emotional abuse day after day.
So, we open up this closet to understand their premise
while bringing awareness to this issue.
Biblically, man and woman are created equally yet they have
different roles. The role of the wife (as with the husband) is
to submit. Submission is a word that has many definitions
but for mass appeal and interpretation we will use the
dictionary’s reference which is: to yield or surrender
(oneself) to the will or authority of another. Many women stay
and permit this injustice because they identify love and
submission with “putting up with” or enduring long. Many
have read that Love conquers all so they remain in abusive
situations hoping that Love will conquer that temper of his,
and if this is you, I tell you that “LOVE DON’T HIT, Love
LOVES!” The Word is true and love does conquer, however
he has to be willing and take the initiative in getting help (this
modus operandi is not valid if his efforts have been made in
recourse of an abusive episode, while everything is
seemingly good he must seek qualified anointed help.)
Often times, heart-wrenching emails from women praying
they are able to be strong and make it through the next
beating come across the desk of counselors as myself and I
know that when you understand Jesus’ teaching you won’t
accept Satan’s beating. Therefore, I have written a booklet
containing more in depth revelation concerning the topic. To
place an anonymous order for the booklet, The Churches
Darkest Secret written and published by Rachael Grier,
contact us at salvation@jubileemag.com .You will find
additional information and topics like, A Way of Escape,
What the Bible says about abuse, How to Counsel the
abused/abuser, Warning Signs, and more.
Scripturally any act committed in opposition of God’s Word
has grounds for Covenant Default. So in closing, I remind
you that Jesus Christ was bruised for your iniquities as his
sole purpose was fulfilled in the setting at liberty them that
are bruised. Isaiah 53:5, Luke 4:18. You too have been
declared free and free indeed!
| The Church’s Darkest Secret |
Fact Check: A woman is beaten every 11 seconds, while 4000 women
are beaten to death every year. These statistics do not alleviate the
Christian household.
are beaten to death every year. These statistics do not alleviate the
Christian household.
Red Flags
Often times it is possible to determine the likelihood and possibility of
an abusive mate way before the physical manifestation of this behavior
ever shows up. I have provided a checklist of behavior patterns and
traits which are common in abusive personalities. I will refer to them
as Red Flags.
Keep in mind that not all abusive people exhibit the same signs, or
display the tendencies to the same extent. In some cases, an abuser
may have only a couple of behavioral characteristics that can be
recognized, but they are very exaggerated . Often the abuser will initially
try to explain his/her behavior as signs of his/her love and concern,
and the victim may feel special at first; but as time goes on, the
behaviors become more severe and serve to control, demean,
dominate and manipulate the victim.
Please note that the first four flags are what I consider most revealing
and identifiable to the abused victim:
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde Personality
Very rarely do abusers conform to the stereotypical image of a
constantly harsh, nasty or violent person, either in public or in private.
More frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant
picture to the outside world (often they have responsible jobs or are
respected and important members of the local community or Church)
and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. Nor
are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel, but can display apparent
kindness and consideration. This Jeckyll and Hyde tendency of the
abuser serves to further confuse the victim, while protecting
themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders. Many victims
describe "sudden" changes in mood - one minute nice and the next
explosive or hysterical, or one minute happy and the next minute sad.
This does not indicate some special "mental problem" but are typical
of abusive personalities, and related to other characteristics such as
hypersensitivity.
Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily
insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are 'hurt' when they are
really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They
may perceive normal set-backs (having to work additional hours, being
asked to help out, receiving a parking fine, etc.) as grave personal
injustices. They may view your preference for something which differs
from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves
(e.g. blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc.).
Blame-shifting for Feelings
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them
as reactions to your behaviour or attitude toward him/her. He/she may
tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I
ask', or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may
be used to manipulate you, i.e. 'I would not be angry if you didn't ...'
Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the
abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as 'You make
me happy' or 'You make me feel good about myself' are also signs that
the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being.
Either way, you become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad
feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional
well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for
any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.
Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expect you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother,
father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her
needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfill all your needs as lover,
friend, and companion. Statements such as: 'lf you love me, I'm all you
need.', 'You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you
to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or
spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to
expectation.
Additional Red Flags which are self-explanatory:
Jealousy
Controlling Behaviour
Quick Intense Involvement
The abuser finds fault with anyone who seems to be close to the victim
Cruelty to Children
Verbal Abuse and Indignant
Outbreaks
Threatening
Violence
Breaking or Striking Objects
Any Force During an Argument
Often times it is possible to determine the likelihood and possibility of
an abusive mate way before the physical manifestation of this behavior
ever shows up. I have provided a checklist of behavior patterns and
traits which are common in abusive personalities. I will refer to them
as Red Flags.
Keep in mind that not all abusive people exhibit the same signs, or
display the tendencies to the same extent. In some cases, an abuser
may have only a couple of behavioral characteristics that can be
recognized, but they are very exaggerated . Often the abuser will initially
try to explain his/her behavior as signs of his/her love and concern,
and the victim may feel special at first; but as time goes on, the
behaviors become more severe and serve to control, demean,
dominate and manipulate the victim.
Please note that the first four flags are what I consider most revealing
and identifiable to the abused victim:
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde Personality
Very rarely do abusers conform to the stereotypical image of a
constantly harsh, nasty or violent person, either in public or in private.
More frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant
picture to the outside world (often they have responsible jobs or are
respected and important members of the local community or Church)
and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. Nor
are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel, but can display apparent
kindness and consideration. This Jeckyll and Hyde tendency of the
abuser serves to further confuse the victim, while protecting
themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders. Many victims
describe "sudden" changes in mood - one minute nice and the next
explosive or hysterical, or one minute happy and the next minute sad.
This does not indicate some special "mental problem" but are typical
of abusive personalities, and related to other characteristics such as
hypersensitivity.
Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily
insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are 'hurt' when they are
really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They
may perceive normal set-backs (having to work additional hours, being
asked to help out, receiving a parking fine, etc.) as grave personal
injustices. They may view your preference for something which differs
from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves
(e.g. blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc.).
Blame-shifting for Feelings
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them
as reactions to your behaviour or attitude toward him/her. He/she may
tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I
ask', or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may
be used to manipulate you, i.e. 'I would not be angry if you didn't ...'
Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the
abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as 'You make
me happy' or 'You make me feel good about myself' are also signs that
the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being.
Either way, you become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad
feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional
well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for
any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.
Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expect you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother,
father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her
needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfill all your needs as lover,
friend, and companion. Statements such as: 'lf you love me, I'm all you
need.', 'You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you
to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or
spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to
expectation.
Additional Red Flags which are self-explanatory:
Jealousy
Controlling Behaviour
Quick Intense Involvement
The abuser finds fault with anyone who seems to be close to the victim
Cruelty to Children
Verbal Abuse and Indignant
Outbreaks
Threatening
Violence
Breaking or Striking Objects
Any Force During an Argument
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