JUBILEE
on-line magazine
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |
Truth.Culture.Style
Be Our Friend
How Does One Handle Rejection
From One's Family?
by Donnell Duncan
From One's Family?
by Donnell Duncan
I received the following question from Lana:
How does one handle rejection from one's family? I have tried to be loving (always), yet my family,
particularly my mother and sisters are hurtful and cruel. They simply reject friendship and a relationship
with me through no fault of my own. I remember even in my childhood that it was the same. Now that I
am grown up, I wonder how to handle this in a way that pleases God, without feeling "abused." Any
wisdom on this?
Matthew 10:34-39 (The Message) - "Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut—make a
sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through
these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your
worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or
daughter over me, you don't deserve me. "If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you
don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget
about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
Lana, it's unfortunate that your family doesn't understand your true value. I won't pretend to know why but
I do know that The Bible provides guidance for your situation. Jesus made it clear that just because of
Him, people will clash with their own family members. One reason for that is the priority that must be
placed on your Christianity. Jesus comes before your family in everything and that might cause
problems with those who don't understand. However, He expects to be your number one desire anyway
even above your own happiness and promises to reward you greatly for that.
Matthew 12:46-50(NLT) - As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside,
asking to speak to him. 47 Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they
want to speak to you.” 48 Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 49 Then he pointed
to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. 50 Anyone who does the will of my
Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
When your Christianity becomes your priority the importance of your relationships in The Body of Christ
rises dramatically. Your mom and sisters may not like you but that's OK, you have a new family now.
Make the effort to bond with people who have a passion for obeying God. Jesus is the ultimate example
and if you want to be like Him, you'll have to respect His Words. He said that His real family consists of
people who do God's Will. As a result, though it may be sad that your natural family treats you badly, you
can cling to your spiritual family for the support you need.
James 1:2-4(NLT) - Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity
for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let
it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
Your family members are testing your faith and this is a good opportunity for you to strengthen your
resolve. You never really know how mature you are until you have the opportunity to prove it. It's a difficult
situation but with joy, you must face the challenge head on and make your Heavenly Father proud.
Pressure helps you to develop so if you react to this pressure by obeying God every step of the way,
you'll come out of this situation even better than you came into it as a child. So what are the directions
God wants you to obey right now? Here's what Jesus said.
Matthew 5:43-47(NLT) - “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.
44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as
true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he
sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there
for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you
different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.
So here are your directions. You love your family members with the Love of God and you pray for them.
Praying for them is never easy but God will help you. When you fellowship with God on a daily basis tell
Him how much you love them and ask Him to change their hearts toward Him then listen for His
directions. Once you have your directions, obey. In addition, praise God all day and night for turning their
hearts in the right direction. It doesn't matter what they do, you love them. Does that mean you're
supposed to be a victim all the time while they walk all over you? Let's see how The Bible defines love.
Whatever The Bible says will determine what you do!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT) - Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It
does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not
rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
If you do exactly what you just saw in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, you will be obeying God's Will in your
relationship with your family. Be patient and kind with them even they are curt and wicked. There's no
need for you to tell them how right you are and how wrong they are, it won't change anything. If they want
to act funny that's their business, demanding that they change will just annoy them further. Keep yourself
calm when you're around them and try not to snap. Be quick to forgive and never bring up issues from
the past. If they are hurting or something goes wrong in their lives never "rub salt in their wounds" just to
see them suffer more. Last but not least, never give up on God's ability to change them. You might have
already given up on their ability to change themselves but give God a shot now!
Romans 8:35-49(NLT) - Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer
loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or
threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being
slaughtered like sheep.” 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ,
who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death
nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not
even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth
below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is
revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Christianity isn't supposed to be easy and that's something we all have to accept. However, nothing can
stop the flow of God's love into your life. We're your family now so we're here to support you and share
God's love with you.
How does one handle rejection from one's family? I have tried to be loving (always), yet my family,
particularly my mother and sisters are hurtful and cruel. They simply reject friendship and a relationship
with me through no fault of my own. I remember even in my childhood that it was the same. Now that I
am grown up, I wonder how to handle this in a way that pleases God, without feeling "abused." Any
wisdom on this?
Matthew 10:34-39 (The Message) - "Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut—make a
sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through
these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your
worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or
daughter over me, you don't deserve me. "If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you
don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget
about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
Lana, it's unfortunate that your family doesn't understand your true value. I won't pretend to know why but
I do know that The Bible provides guidance for your situation. Jesus made it clear that just because of
Him, people will clash with their own family members. One reason for that is the priority that must be
placed on your Christianity. Jesus comes before your family in everything and that might cause
problems with those who don't understand. However, He expects to be your number one desire anyway
even above your own happiness and promises to reward you greatly for that.
Matthew 12:46-50(NLT) - As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside,
asking to speak to him. 47 Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they
want to speak to you.” 48 Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 49 Then he pointed
to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. 50 Anyone who does the will of my
Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
When your Christianity becomes your priority the importance of your relationships in The Body of Christ
rises dramatically. Your mom and sisters may not like you but that's OK, you have a new family now.
Make the effort to bond with people who have a passion for obeying God. Jesus is the ultimate example
and if you want to be like Him, you'll have to respect His Words. He said that His real family consists of
people who do God's Will. As a result, though it may be sad that your natural family treats you badly, you
can cling to your spiritual family for the support you need.
James 1:2-4(NLT) - Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity
for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let
it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
Your family members are testing your faith and this is a good opportunity for you to strengthen your
resolve. You never really know how mature you are until you have the opportunity to prove it. It's a difficult
situation but with joy, you must face the challenge head on and make your Heavenly Father proud.
Pressure helps you to develop so if you react to this pressure by obeying God every step of the way,
you'll come out of this situation even better than you came into it as a child. So what are the directions
God wants you to obey right now? Here's what Jesus said.
Matthew 5:43-47(NLT) - “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy.
44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as
true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he
sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there
for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you
different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.
So here are your directions. You love your family members with the Love of God and you pray for them.
Praying for them is never easy but God will help you. When you fellowship with God on a daily basis tell
Him how much you love them and ask Him to change their hearts toward Him then listen for His
directions. Once you have your directions, obey. In addition, praise God all day and night for turning their
hearts in the right direction. It doesn't matter what they do, you love them. Does that mean you're
supposed to be a victim all the time while they walk all over you? Let's see how The Bible defines love.
Whatever The Bible says will determine what you do!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7(NLT) - Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It
does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not
rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith,
is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
If you do exactly what you just saw in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, you will be obeying God's Will in your
relationship with your family. Be patient and kind with them even they are curt and wicked. There's no
need for you to tell them how right you are and how wrong they are, it won't change anything. If they want
to act funny that's their business, demanding that they change will just annoy them further. Keep yourself
calm when you're around them and try not to snap. Be quick to forgive and never bring up issues from
the past. If they are hurting or something goes wrong in their lives never "rub salt in their wounds" just to
see them suffer more. Last but not least, never give up on God's ability to change them. You might have
already given up on their ability to change themselves but give God a shot now!
Romans 8:35-49(NLT) - Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer
loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or
threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being
slaughtered like sheep.” 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ,
who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death
nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not
even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth
below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is
revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Christianity isn't supposed to be easy and that's something we all have to accept. However, nothing can
stop the flow of God's love into your life. We're your family now so we're here to support you and share
God's love with you.
A Structural Engineer by profession, 28-year-old Donnell Duncan obtained a B.S
in Applied Physics from Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia, a B.S in Civil
Engineering from Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta, and an M.S in Civil
Engineering (Structures) also from Georgia Institute of Technology. He now
resides in Atlanta, Georgia where he balances the call of God on his life for
ministry with his professional life as a practicing Structural Engineer.
Donnell is the founder of The Cracked Door, a movement of people who
understand that God has already provided, and it is up to us to listen to His voice
for the direction to recognize it. He also heads up The Christian Socialites, the
social division of The Cracked Door.
in Applied Physics from Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia, a B.S in Civil
Engineering from Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta, and an M.S in Civil
Engineering (Structures) also from Georgia Institute of Technology. He now
resides in Atlanta, Georgia where he balances the call of God on his life for
ministry with his professional life as a practicing Structural Engineer.
Donnell is the founder of The Cracked Door, a movement of people who
understand that God has already provided, and it is up to us to listen to His voice
for the direction to recognize it. He also heads up The Christian Socialites, the
social division of The Cracked Door.