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Truth.Culture.Style
Be Our Friend
Reflecting over the many relationships that have encountered turbulence during their tenure,
it has been made clear to me through counseling others, many relationships fail because
they lack a foundation based on giving. Please understand the TRUE foundation of
successful relationships is based on Christ, but there are also other layers that play a part in
successful relationships because of a Christ-centered focus.
It is human nature to become selfish in our perspective on what we desire out of our
relationships. However, by having a relationship with Christ it should be our understanding
that we must first be a giver in all of our relationships.
If you evaluate John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” When we look at
the nature of our relationship with Christ, it was established because God gave Him to us as
a gift. The gift was not provided to us because we did everything right. The gift was not
provided to us because we were worthy of it. The gift was not provided to us because we
deserved it. The gift was not provided to us because we would always agree with the
direction He (God) would take us. The gift was provided to us because of God’s relationship
and love towards us.
I know you are thinking to yourself what does this mean to me? Well I’m glad you asked. Let
me pause parenthetically to allow you to assess within yourself whether you have been a
giver or taker in your relationships?
Let’s start with your family relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE love, respect and encouragement to those you are related to?
2.) When was the last time you offered advice to a relative who was struggling with
something you have experience in? Have you helped a cousin apply and transition to college
even though no one else in their household did?
Let’s look at your workplace relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE/contribute to the overall positive atmosphere in your workplace? Or do you
sow seeds of discord and gossip in the office?
2.) If you disagree with how things are being done, do you offer-up solutions to the problem?
Workplaces are full of unhappy people who can tell you everything that is wrong, but never
offer-up ways to improve things.
Let’s look at your male/female relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE love, peace, patience goodness, etc. to your mate? Or are you always
focused on what they haven’t GIVEN to you?
2.) Do you GIVE encouragement in areas where your partner is lacking? Or do you simply
harbor the negatives they bring to the table in your relationship?
3.) Do you GIVE your partner an opportunity to change their behavior? Or do you bash them
for not changing according to your personal timeline?
Let’s look at your relationship with Christ…
1.) Do you GIVE your time, talents and treasures? Christ gave of Himself and many of us
repay Him by participating in adulteress relationships. We worship our jobs, we worship our
material belongings and we worship our boyfriends/girlfriends. God wants a full-time
relationship with us, but we choose to relegate Him visitation rights on Sundays,
Wednesdays or Thursday (if we are able to make it) or when we are in trouble and need His
assistance.
2.) Do you communicate with Him daily through prayer and/or His Word? This is an act of
GIVING Him attention.
3.) Do you have talents/gifts (e.g. hospitality, singing, teaching) that you GIVE back to the
kingdom?
4.) Do you GIVE your treasure for the furtherance of kingdom work? Or do you spend it all up
selfishly at Lenox, Phipps Plaza or any other mall you see fit :).
Could God be holding back Mr. or Mrs. Right in your life because you have not fully grasped
the idea of what it means to give in a relationship beginning with Him? Giving is NOT an
option in a relationship, but a requirement. Hmmmm…just a little something to think about.
it has been made clear to me through counseling others, many relationships fail because
they lack a foundation based on giving. Please understand the TRUE foundation of
successful relationships is based on Christ, but there are also other layers that play a part in
successful relationships because of a Christ-centered focus.
It is human nature to become selfish in our perspective on what we desire out of our
relationships. However, by having a relationship with Christ it should be our understanding
that we must first be a giver in all of our relationships.
If you evaluate John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” When we look at
the nature of our relationship with Christ, it was established because God gave Him to us as
a gift. The gift was not provided to us because we did everything right. The gift was not
provided to us because we were worthy of it. The gift was not provided to us because we
deserved it. The gift was not provided to us because we would always agree with the
direction He (God) would take us. The gift was provided to us because of God’s relationship
and love towards us.
I know you are thinking to yourself what does this mean to me? Well I’m glad you asked. Let
me pause parenthetically to allow you to assess within yourself whether you have been a
giver or taker in your relationships?
Let’s start with your family relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE love, respect and encouragement to those you are related to?
2.) When was the last time you offered advice to a relative who was struggling with
something you have experience in? Have you helped a cousin apply and transition to college
even though no one else in their household did?
Let’s look at your workplace relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE/contribute to the overall positive atmosphere in your workplace? Or do you
sow seeds of discord and gossip in the office?
2.) If you disagree with how things are being done, do you offer-up solutions to the problem?
Workplaces are full of unhappy people who can tell you everything that is wrong, but never
offer-up ways to improve things.
Let’s look at your male/female relationships…
1.) Do you GIVE love, peace, patience goodness, etc. to your mate? Or are you always
focused on what they haven’t GIVEN to you?
2.) Do you GIVE encouragement in areas where your partner is lacking? Or do you simply
harbor the negatives they bring to the table in your relationship?
3.) Do you GIVE your partner an opportunity to change their behavior? Or do you bash them
for not changing according to your personal timeline?
Let’s look at your relationship with Christ…
1.) Do you GIVE your time, talents and treasures? Christ gave of Himself and many of us
repay Him by participating in adulteress relationships. We worship our jobs, we worship our
material belongings and we worship our boyfriends/girlfriends. God wants a full-time
relationship with us, but we choose to relegate Him visitation rights on Sundays,
Wednesdays or Thursday (if we are able to make it) or when we are in trouble and need His
assistance.
2.) Do you communicate with Him daily through prayer and/or His Word? This is an act of
GIVING Him attention.
3.) Do you have talents/gifts (e.g. hospitality, singing, teaching) that you GIVE back to the
kingdom?
4.) Do you GIVE your treasure for the furtherance of kingdom work? Or do you spend it all up
selfishly at Lenox, Phipps Plaza or any other mall you see fit :).
Could God be holding back Mr. or Mrs. Right in your life because you have not fully grasped
the idea of what it means to give in a relationship beginning with Him? Giving is NOT an
option in a relationship, but a requirement. Hmmmm…just a little something to think about.
Relationships Are About Giving
by Kenny Pugh
by Kenny Pugh
Often referred to as 'The Relationship Expert, Minister Kenny
Pugh, 34, has years of experience analyzing, counseling and
advising hundreds of people on all types of relationship issues.
Originally from Dayton, OH, Kenny graduated from Ohio State
University and now currently reside in Atlanta, Georgia. He's
also the Single's Adult Leader at Elizabeth Baptist church and is
a faithful supporter of JUBILEE magazine.
Pugh, 34, has years of experience analyzing, counseling and
advising hundreds of people on all types of relationship issues.
Originally from Dayton, OH, Kenny graduated from Ohio State
University and now currently reside in Atlanta, Georgia. He's
also the Single's Adult Leader at Elizabeth Baptist church and is
a faithful supporter of JUBILEE magazine.